Keys To A Healthy Relationship


Most times when relationships is mentioned, others automatically think you mean an intimate relationship between partners. Many times relationships with family, friends, etc. are excluded. Those are too, however, relationships although they may be at varying degrees. For the purpose of this article, we are dealing with the necessary keys for an intimate and healthy relationship with your partner.

1. You are responsible for you. Your feelings, your happiness, your self worth; those are your responsibility. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you will stop blaming others for not making you happy or feel the way you think they should make you feel. If you don’t possess the tools to make yourself happy, how can you expect someone else to have the tools? Your happiness comes from how you treat you, not from how others treat you.

2. ‘Me time’ and ‘Us time’ are both equally important. Enjoying time being with your partner is beautiful and special, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying time away from your partner. A healthy relationship requires a balance. This is not to say that you have to be apart, but it is saying that you should take into consideration what your partner deems as healthy as well. Communication is key in verbalizing where your balance is for your relationship.

3. What you give yourself should be given to your partner. If you are gentle, compassionate, empathetic and generous towards yourself, it is not hard to be the same towards your mate. It is often said that you give out what you expect in return. So it’s safe to say if you are cold-hearted and verbally abusive to your partner, you want the same treatment in return. Otherwise why would you put out what you don’t want? A healthy relationship should consist of mutual kindness and acceptance from both partners. I’m sure you are aware of the saying ‘you can attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.’ If you desire love and compassion, give love and compassion. If you desire kindness, be kind. If you desire understanding, be understanding. Reciprocation is such a beautiful thing!

4. Sharing is caring. Happy and loving people generally want others to experience the happiness and joy they feel as well. When you take responsibility for your happiness, your desire should be to share that happiness and connection with your mate. It is perfectly healthy to laugh, joke, show affection (outside the bedroom) and have fun with your mate. I will be the first to tell you that I am not a fan of PDA because some don’t know what to leave for home and what to share in public. I do, however, enjoy seeing a loving couple holding hands or sharing affectionate moments with one another.

5. Love all the hurt away. It’s usually easy to love and show appreciation to your partner when all is going well, but how about when things are not going so well? How you resolve conflict is a key indicator on the health of your relationship. If either of you gets angry and shuts down, that robs the relationship the ability to work through difficult times. A healthy relationship thrives on both partners being able to voice their concerns and have their concerns be heard. A relationship is healthy when each partner is open and intent to learn about loving themselves and each other, rather than trying to be protecting/avoiding/controlling. It is the intent to learn about love that leads to being able to take personal responsibility for your own feelings.

6. Team work makes the dream work. When you understand that you two are on the same team, you trust that your partner will do nothing to hurt the team. That includes those times in communication when there is a communication break down. If you know your mate is a team player, whether you fully heard what was stated or not, you know that your mate will not do or say anything that would harm you because you are part of the team. Knowing this makes for better communication and a constant sense of comfort. By the same token, what benefits one partner benefits the team. Promotion and successes made by one partner should bring joy in your connection with one another and not make you feel threatened or like you’re in competition with one another.

7. You got that vibe. Not sure if you are a believer of this, but I certainly am. A healthy relationship is one in which you vibe with your partner. You just enjoy being around, talking to, touching, spending time with, sharing whatever time you can with your partner. A vibe so connected that you complete one another’s thoughts…like you think it and he/she says it. I love that! When there is a vibe like that between two people, it makes for great sex because everything else is on point.

That kind of vibe supersedes extends far beyond everything in the relationship. It’s one thing to see a couple married for 30+ years and you can tell they just hung in there because there are signs of bitterness or resentment in their dealings with one another, but when you see a couple married that long and they still look at one another with that love in their eyes through the trials and tribulations of life, that’s that vibe. It is unmistakable and you know it when you know it. It’s the connection that puts ’til death do you part’ to shame because the two of you are too busy focusing on loving one another to allow the thought of death to steal a moment of your time together. The only way to achieve that level of connection with one another is both of you will have had to do your own personal work on yourself. When you are in control of what makes you happy and take total responsibility of that, you can share more openly with your mate and vice versa.

A healthy relationship takes two people coming together that have done their own personal work. When you have cleared yourself of negative vibes and emotions, you can attract and welcome someone that has positive vibes and emotions and you two can vibe together.

Until the next time, be happy, be healthy, be whole and be open to receiving the best that God has for you!

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